Win, Lose or Draw

This briefly, before I get to my actual blog topic for the day: I appreciate those who would come to the defense of both myself and common sense; I ask merely that you keep the discourse civilized here. If you cannot do this, then it had better be damn funny at the same time. Failing this, I will have to ask that such exchanges be kept private. Entertaining though they may be, this is not the place for them. I would hesitate to delete any comments, as there are few things I despise more than censorship, and there are few that I love more than the freedom that we, as Americans, enjoy to say or write whatever we like. However, I will vigorously leap to defend my friends as they have defended me should they come under any personal attack, so all who comment here should be wary of any such remarks. Similarly, comments which are in no way relevant to the blog (for instance, those which identify another commenter as my ex-girlfriend) are not welcome here. I will not have my blog reduced to an episode of the Jerry Springer Show. Again, thanks to those who realize that volleying insults back and forth is only a mere step above monkeys flinging crap at one another. Now, onward to the actual subject of the day.

I kicked around a few possibilities to write about today, and I have settled on one that came up in conversation today between Audrey and I, that being soccer. This is prompted, of course, by the World Cup, which I believe just got underway in the last day or two. I probably wouldn't even have noticed had updates on it (and the equally uninteresting NBA Finals) not been constantly interrupting the much more fascinating baseball highlights on ESPN. It is rare that I find myself in agreement with most Americans, but I think that we got it right on this occasion with our collective shrug towards soccer. I know that even ESPN pays soccer some lip service, but you can tell those guys are just trying to get through it as fast as possible to get back to the good stuff. Football and baseball are the most loved and most watched sports in the United States, and though I have not checked the ratings or attendance figures or merchandise sales, I believe that each of those things will support my conclusion (certainly, my experience as a retailer of sports cards and memorabilia bears it out). Soccer is, what, maybe sixth? Depends if you count NASCAR or golf as sports (I don't...my understanding of sports is that it is a requisite to be an athlete to play professionally, and while NASCAR drivers and golfers may be skilled in their abilities, they hardly have to be in optimal shape to perform at their peak). Soccer at least is a sport...it's just a very boring one.

I played soccer for a year (way back in third grade, admittedly), I have attempted to watch it...there's just no getting around it, it is composed of kicking a ball around. This will be enjoyable to your average person for maybe ten consecutive minutes. Hockey is essentially the same as soccer, just on skates and with sticks and a puck, and the fights occur between the players more often than in the stands. Basketball is the same essential idea, it just places less of a premium on its points. Football is a whole different animal. Political commentator George Will once described football as a combination of the two worst things about America: it is violence punctuated by committee meetings. Leave it to America to love a game such as this. Though I like football quite a lot, I suspect that I like it for entirely different reasons than your typical football fan.

I have opined at great length to anyone who will listen on the virtues of baseball, and it truly is the most unique sport that is widely watched and enjoyed in this country. Every other sport I have named is essentially one that sees each team take turns moving up the court/field, advancing on its opponent's goal. Baseball has no goal line, no net. It is the only sport in which the defense controls the ball and initiates each play. It requires, by far, the most skills to master to play at the professional level of any sport. Baseball players must be at least adequate at handling a bat in numerous situations, including the ability to hit-and-run and bunt as needed, they must be able to judge the strike zone, they must be intelligent baserunners, they must know how to read the positioning of the defensive players and know which ones have good or poor range and strong or weak throwing arms. Defensively, a player must be proficient at playing at least one position on the field, should know how to position himself according to the tendencies of every hitter who comes to the plate, should be able to make accurate throws to any base, and outfielders should know how to take the proper route to a ball in the air or on the ground, and should know where the cutoff man will be and be able to deliver the ball to him quickly and accurately. Catchers must also know how to handle a pitcher, be a good judge of his limitations and abilities, must be familiar with every hitter in the league, must be able to block pitches in the dirt and runners coming towards home plate, and must be able to throw to each base quickly and accurately. Pitchers must also have extensive knowledge of all hitters, must be able to throw at least two different pitches effectively, and must be able to field their position, cover first base, and back up throws to third and home. No other sport requires such a compendium of talent and skill, and that is only what is required to be an average baseball player. And let us not forget that baseball players are almost exclusively fine athletes. This is often overlooked because being a good athlete is not the lone requisite for being a good baseball player.

In a sport such as football or basketball, a player can often compensate for marginal skills by being extremely big and strong (see: Shaquille O'Neal) or very fast and elusive (see: Reggie Bush). Baseball players who attempt to compensate for mediocre ability with either of these things almost inevitably wash out of the pros in short order. Ask Bo Jackson or Deion Sanders, the two most notable athletes to play both pro baseball and pro football, which sport is more difficult. Both will tell you in an instant that the answer is baseball. Jackson and Sanders are both freakish athletes who worked their tails off to have just ordinary baseball careers (though they were remarkably exciting to watch play), but were stars in the NFL. Keep in mind, an NFL regular season is a mere sixteen games long. An NBA regular season is just eighty-two games. An MLB regular season is twice as long as an NBA season and ten times longer than an NFL season in terms of games played, and off-days are infrequent. Baseball's position players are expected to play about 150 games every season, nearly every single day (less for catchers, understandably). I defy anyone to go out every summer, on the hottest days of the year, and play in 150 baseball games in 180 days. It ain't as easy as it sounds, folks.

I guess my point is, please ESPN, stop interrupting my exciting, tension-packed, talent-dripping, thought-provoking baseball games to bring me clips of some guys kicking a damn ball around and their fans rioting in the streets, which I might add happens whether they win, lose, or draw. Oh, and that's another thing: there are no ties in baseball (except that one All-Star Game, but that was just an exhibition, after all). Can we please all stop pretending to care about soccer? It's getting embarrassing.