Late Nights

I'll get right to the point here today, because I've got somewhere to go shortly. I'm already getting behind on my feature, but I've got a grand Douchelord of the Day for you now! Today's Douchelord is Jay Leno. He didn't do anything in particular in the last couple days to warrant that, it's kind of a lifetime achievement award in this case, because he's been poisoning late-night television for so many years. It's strange to me that the guy is considered a comedian when he doesn't actually make any jokes. Have you listened to his monologues? The basic construction is something like this: he brings up something that's been in the news that day and says something very obvious about it. No, there's not more. That really is all he does. Why does this entitle him to not one, but two late-night shows? I know the guy has been doing it for a long time, which leads me to believe that people are just assuming that just because he's been around for awhile, he knows what he's doing. Nope, sorry, longevity doesn't cut it in my book. Just means you were sucking at your job pretty hard a decade ago and you just wouldn't go away. I'm calling you out, Mr. Leno! You are nothing but smoke and mirrors, and in your chosen profession, that makes you nothing more than a Douchelord.

I should add, however, that Mr. Leno, while he is quite unfunny, is far from the worst thing on TV. I don't follow it all closely enough to know what variations of these shows they've got on these days, be it Survivor: Guantanamo Bay, American Idol's Trailer Trash Edition, or Dancing with the Porn Stars, but how much do you need to see to know that the very existence of these shows is causing aliens from another planet to look at us and consider blowing us all up just for being the worst civilization ever?